Dear Erik: I like to send holiday postcards. So many brides on my list choose not to take their husband’s last name. There was no problem reaching Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Doe. Now the children have come. Can I use the Smith Family even if the wife/mom doesn’t use that last name?
– Card question
Dear Cardo: What about Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Doe and family? While some recipients may not mind the hoardings being under one name, if you don’t mind using ink, it may be better to err on the side of caution. Another option: if the kids have hyphenated last names, you can always address the cards to the Smith-Doe family. Finally, and perhaps most simply, try The Smith and Doe Family. It covers all your bases.
Dear Erik: When I saw the summary from the letter writer whose wife spends all her time online instead of helping them with all the housework (“I do it all myself”), I was afraid my husband wrote it. I don’t spend all my time online, but stressful jobs and bouts of anxiety and depression often lead to weekends buried in books, TV, and puzzle games on my devices.
I saw a part of myself in his wife. The part that wants to do yard work and keep a nice house, but is overwhelmed. I can spend an hour organizing a closet or a closet only to find that other members of the household mess it up.
He may suffer from depression. If she can suggest she talk to her doctor, that might be helpful.
– Been there, done that
Dear Been There: This is a very useful sequel. A husband would be wise to talk to his wife about what else is going on. While an unequal division of labor can put a strain on a marriage, the problem may require a more comprehensive solution than a chore chart.
Send inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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