DEAR ABBY: My mother died six years ago. She was a manipulative woman who alienated all family members except my grown son. When she passed, she promised him a considerable amount of money, but did not follow through. As trustee of my parents’ estate, I followed their trust guidelines as written without exception.
My son got a nice check but not as big as he expected. He was angry and accused me of “taking” his money. He then declared that we would never see our grandparents again unless he got what Grandma promised. He refused to understand the concept of fiduciary duty and referred to us as a ghost even though I tried to reach out to him several times.
Thanks to the generosity of our former daughter-in-law, we have access to our grandparents. I have finally come to terms with my son’s decision to remove himself from a family that includes his brother and sister. He is an adult and can make his own decisions.
It has always been my intention to one day pass on what I have inherited to my three children. I am dealing with a significant amount of guilt because my husband and I have excluded this son from any monetary distribution from our own trust because of his behavior and his attempted blackmail. Do I have the right to exclude him? I want to forgive and forget but I can’t get over his actions. — THE IDAHO CONFLICT
DEAR CONFLICTS: It is very sad that your son misdirected his anger from his grandmother, where it belonged, to you. Forgive him in your heart, but don’t reward him by changing your plans. If you haven’t already done so, consult with your attorney about leaving your son’s share of your estate in favor of your grandparents.
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