Dear Erik: Why should I go to the 50th high school reunion? I got a call from a former classmate who didn’t want to give me the time we were at school together. “You have to go!” No, thank you.
The price is outrageous. Plus, most of the people I’d like to see either don’t go or are dead.
During my high school years, some students did not treat me well. I definitely didn’t like my high school years. If I hadn’t been bullied, I certainly wouldn’t have been absent for so many days. I would have better grades and maybe a six figure income.
So once again, is there a reason to go?
– No way to get back together
Dear Reunion: No!
Some things are unresolved from when you were in high school. But it’s unlikely that you’ll find the solution you’re looking for at a reunion, because that’s not what reunions are generally for. Besides, you don’t want to go. In the grand scheme of things, not wanting to do something is a perfectly fine reason not to do it. Yes, your 50th high school reunion only happens once. But if it’s going to do you more harm than good, emotionally or financially, one time is too many.
Dear Erik: I recently learned that I have a terminal illness, although there may be some treatments that will temporarily relieve my symptoms.
I don’t want to tell my family about my ordeal until January so as not to spoil their holidays.
I want to tell my two grown children but let them decide when to tell their children (my grandchildren). Or is it better for me to tell them all together?
What is the best thing to do?
– Family News
Dear News: The simple (perhaps too simple) answer is to do whatever you need to do to feel cared for and supported. It’s very thoughtful of you to think about how this news will affect your loved ones, but you don’t have to carry this weight one second longer than you want to. Your loved ones would certainly do anything in their power to make this moment easier for you, so keep this thought in mind when deciding when and how to deliver the message.
A less simple but more practical answer is that you should consider telling your children first. They will have different questions than their children, and the conversation you have with them will work differently than a group conversation. You may find that you have to manage your grandchildren’s feelings and reactions more, just like your children. Whereas when you only talk to adults, you can find that you all have the ability to feel however you feel, and you stick with each other. This also gives your children time to process first, which will then better prepare them to talk to the children.
No matter what you decide, keep in mind that this diagnosis is not your only problem. This is something that happens to you, but also to your family. At times when it feels too complicated, scary or overwhelming, know that you are not alone and you don’t have to hold back what you feel.
Send inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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