Dear Annie: I read a lot about empty nest depression and how to deal with it, and I got through this phase just fine. I enjoyed my grandchildren and watching them grow into teenagers. But now I’m struggling with something else: how to manage the holiday emptiness.
I have two sons. One always made sure I had time with his family. The other is married to a woman who insists on spending Christmas with her mother across the country. As a result, my husband and I are alone on vacation. I suggested they visit a week early and then hit the road, but it’s always “work, plans” and that’s the end of the conversation.
Year after year I find myself feeling down and down during the Christmas season. Is this just what life looks like now? Don’t grown children realize how much it hurts? I don’t have many years left and the loneliness weighs on me. — Alone in NC
Dear Alone: You are not wrong to feel disappointment. The holidays are emotional milestones, and when long-held traditions change, it can be hard to swallow.
What is in your control is how you shape the season yourself. If one son reliably makes time for you, appreciate it. Set reasonable expectations for the other person—like a scheduled video call or a visit at another time of year when their schedules allow. Holidays don’t have to fall on a specific date to be meaningful.
In the meantime, expand your circle. Invite a friend or neighbor to share a meal. Volunteer somewhere that needs an extra pair of hands. Create traditions that don’t depend on anyone else’s plans.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” it’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology—featuring popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation—is available in paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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