Dear Annie: I am a 32-year-old single woman facing a predicament. I’ve been friends with a guy named “Stan” for a few months, even though we haven’t spoken in over a month. We knew each other in high school but lost touch after a while. Stan and I went on a few dates and I thought it was going well, but then he asked if we could just be friends. I would have been fine if we hadn’t ALMOST gotten together, but since I thought he was still more interested in me than a friend, it caught me off guard, but I went along with it.
We continued to talk and hang out once more; however, I expressed my feelings for him a total of three times and the third time he approached me he blocked me. Stan made it very clear that he didn’t reciprocate my feelings, even though when we first started talking as friends I was optimistic that we could end up being more than that. He’s let me read the two times I’ve written to him since, even though he sporadically follows my Instagram stories. He explained to me that he was not ready for a relationship, yet I noticed that he was following many women and was on a dating app.
He also mentioned that he was having family issues, but since we’ve only known each other for a few months, I felt it was too personal a topic to comment on. I’m afraid to start a conversation with him because I don’t want to risk an argument and (maybe) losing a friend, but at the same time I feel like he’s hiding some things from me. I would like to let him know that he can trust me, but I’m still not sure if I can trust him or not. The last time Stan and I spoke he asked me to give him space because I was making him uncomfortable, but now I wonder if he’s just trying to cut me out of his life. That was almost a month and a half ago. Please help me. I don’t know what to do with it. — Crushed Overthinker
Dear Overthinker: First, respect Stan’s boundaries. He explicitly asked you for space and expressed discomfort with his behavior. You can speculate until the cows come home, but I’d take what he’s telling you at face value: that he only sees you as a friend and isn’t ready for a relationship.
You should also think about what you want. You definitely have feelings for Stan, but you can’t ignore the signs he’s been giving you. Would you want to start a relationship with a man who has admitted multiple times that he doesn’t feel romantic towards you anyway? Someone you admit you’re not sure you can even trust?
Sometimes the best gift we can give others and ourselves is time and distance to gain clarity and cool down. Whether the space he needs is meant to be a complete breakup of your friendship or simply a break, only Stan can tell and only time will tell. Let him come to you and see if it is possible to save the friendship. In the meantime, look elsewhere—there are plenty of other men who might be romantically interested in you if you’re not obsessed with Stan.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” it’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology—featuring popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation—is available in paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2025 CREATORS.COM
Leave a Reply