Dear Erik: The writer of the “Family Conundrum” letter wanted to include her recently widowed sister in holiday activities, but she was nervous about navigating airports. She wrote: “I am torn between respecting her feelings of discomfort and being heartbroken at the thought of spending Christmas alone.”
When my mother-in-law was 85, it was not convenient for her to navigate airports, layovers, etc. to visit the rest of our family 3,000 miles away. Easy fix! Either I or my son would fly to her house, spend a few days there to help her fix a few things around the house, help her pack, and fly her to family for the holidays.
After the holiday rush at the airport, I would take her straight to the gate of her direct flight, board her, and her neighbor would be at the receiving gate to help her get her luggage and drive her home. She had many good friends who were so happy to help on the other end.
She enjoyed spending time with us every year until she was 90 years old. Thanks to this arrangement, her great-grandchildren still have fond memories of her holiday traditions, recipes and her life, even though they only saw her twice a year.
– Full holiday home
Dear House: I really like this fix; thank you for writing with that. Others also suggested that a family member accompany the nurse when traveling or help the nurse request assistance at the airport, such as wheelchair service. If she’s comfortable with it, it’s a great alternative.
I also want to underline something that has stuck with other readers and with which I should have guided: the first step of this letter writer and anyone who tries to get a grieving relative or friend to a celebration is to ask the person in question what they wish. “All things being equal, all airfields are navigable, which would you prefer? We can make it happen, even if you’d rather be alone this year.”
Everyone grieves in their own way, and while it’s important to be with people who care about us and can support us, it’s also important that those who care about us hear what we’re asking for and make room for it.
Send inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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