Dear Annie: I never thought I’d be the type of person to snoop, but I did something last week that I can’t stop thinking about. My husband left his laptop open on the kitchen counter and an email popped up with the subject line: “Can’t wait to see you again.” I clicked. It wasn’t explicit, but it was kind enough to make my stomach drop.
Here’s the twist: The messages were with his high school girlfriend, who had recently moved back to town after a divorce. They reminisced, joked, called each other “old favorites”. He wrote: “Being with you is like exhaling.” Meanwhile, he was distant from me and quick to anger, as if I was always one question away from the fight.
We have been married for 18 years. we have children We have a life. Am I overreacting to nostalgia or underreacting to a warning sign? How do I bring this up without sounding paranoid – or pathetic? –I’m losing my breath
Dear Losing My Breath: Nostalgia is a strong perfume and it can make people forget that they are already standing in a perfectly good room. An email may not prove an affair, but it does show up as a boundary issue, and if he vents on her and barks at you, it becomes a problem in the marriage.
Don’t ask him. Invite honesty. Tell him what you saw, how you felt, and what you need for the future: transparency, limits, and real attention at home. If he gets defensive, suggest some advice. A faithful husband does not need a secret friend.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” it’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology—featuring popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation—is available in paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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