Dear Miss Manners: When did people become so insecure that they take offense at almost everything?
I noticed a big shift. Compliments given by strangers are now considered an insult or an attack on their feelings. A mom is offended, a woman with a nice haircut is offended, someone with a nice outfit is upset. “You look nice today” is taken to mean that you look bad for the rest of the week.
What’s wrong with people?
What kind of society is it when no one talks to anyone and we allow insecurity to cool and isolate us? Then you have people who say, “I’m lonely and no one talks to me.” Well, what did you expect?
Since I am a single mother, people often ask what happened to cause my divorce. I just laugh and tell the truth — that I was young and stupid — and everyone always laughs in agreement. It started some very funny conversations and it also started conversations with women who are struggling in their own marriages and need someone to talk to.
Due to financial issues, I have purchased 99% of my clothes from thrift stores or garage sales. I always got compliments on my clothes; some women even ask where I bought my blouse, jacket, etc.
Do I get offended and say, “My God, how dare he interfere in my life’s struggles”? No. I say, “Thank you – and you know, I’ve had it so long I don’t remember where I bought it.” Compliment given, compliment received.
My faith motivates me to be happy and kind to others. Here’s a final thought: If you use your time and energy to be happy and kind to others, you won’t have time to find offense where there is none.
A compliment to a stranger might be just what they need that day!
GENTLE READER: Not now.
Still, Miss Manners agrees that the unpleasant habit of taking offense when none was intended is widespread. He admires and appreciates your behavior. The world would indeed be a much nicer place if people assumed good will in others.
Of course, there are exceptions: compliments that are lewd, for example. Questions that suggest swearing. Or just plain nasality, which is also rampant. No one should feel pressured to answer personal questions.
But barbed comments from strangers can be ignored and prying questions deflected. All Miss Manners asks is that they do not inspire further rudeness.
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Dear Miss Manners, I am 56 years old and have a special person in my life. When we go out and meet people, how do I introduce her? Like my girlfriend, my girlfriend, my pillow pal? Please help me.
GENTLE READER: Only if you delete the term “pillow friend”, which left Miss Manners with an image she’d rather not entertain.
The accepted term for an established unmarried couple is now “partner”. “Friend” is short for that.
(Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION
1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106; 816-581-7500
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