Dear Annie: I’m starting to feel like I’m living my whole life through a screen, and I’m ashamed to admit how much control my phone has over me.
I am 42 and married with two children in high school. On paper, things are fine. I actually spend more time scrolling than I do living. I pick up the phone “just to check on one thing” and suddenly 20 minutes are gone. I’m sitting on the couch next to my husband, “Matt,” both on their phones and barely speaking.
My kids, “Betty” and “Gregory,” roll their eyes as I tell them to limit their screen time while I sneak another look at group chats, messages, and social media. I tell myself it’s my way of “staying informed” and “staying in touch,” but it feels more like hiding. I compare my life to everyone’s holidays, remodeling, and events, and then I feel worse, so I scroll more.
Some nights I look up and realize I’ve spent the entire evening looking at other people’s lives instead of being present in my own home. I miss reading books, going for walks, even being bored. I feel constantly scattered and strangely empty.
I don’t want my kids to remember me with my phone in my hand more than my face. How to get rid of this habit and actually be present again in your own life? — Scrolling Away My Life
Dear scrolling: First, take a deep breath. You’re not the only one looking up from the screen wondering where the evening went. And you are not a bad parent or partner.
You’re right that this habit won’t fix itself, so take it easy. Pick a few small rules and stick to them. Maybe no phones at dinner, no phones in bed, and no phones for the first 30 minutes after everyone gets home. Put your phone in another room, not in your pocket.
Turn off non-essential notifications and move or delete apps that drain you. Then decide what will be in the empty space, whether it’s a book, a walk, a show you actually watch, or a board game with the kids. Boredom is not failure. Boredom creates space for real life to show itself.
Tell your family your plan: “I don’t like how much I’m on the phone. I’m going to work on it and I’d love to have some phone-free time together.” They might roll their eyes, but they’ll notice.
Put down your phone for 10 minutes tonight and look at the people you love. This is the feed that matters the most.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” it’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology—featuring popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation—is available in paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2025 CREATORS.COM
Leave a Reply