DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I were best friends. We shared everything – dreams, laughter and struggles. I was convinced that we would grow old together. When he proposed, I said yes without hesitation. We had planned to start a family, but he asked me to wait until we bought a house. I waited five years, believing that the dream we built together was still alive.
Eventually we bought our house, but when I asked about the children, something shifted. He told me he didn’t want any more children. I was heartbroken. The life we’d talked about for years suddenly vanished. Soon after, he invited his mother, sister, brother-in-law and their daughter to move in with us. I tried to be understanding, but I started to feel like a guest in my own house – like he loved me but prioritized them. He finally told me he was moving out. He bought an apartment and moved in with his whole family, and I was left alone – emotionally and physically.
I’ve tried to convince myself that it was never about the kids, but I can’t shake the guilt. Part of me still wonders if I told the kids no, would he have stayed? Even now, years later, I still care for him and can’t let him go. I don’t know how to go on when someone who was once my everything still occupies so much of my heart even though he is no longer in my life. How can I let go of someone who lets go of me so easily? — A BROKEN DREAM IN VIRGINIA
DEAR ‘DREAM’: Do you feel guilty for wanting children after years of your husband leading you on and pretending you did? You have been grossly misled and then abandoned. If this reality was not enough to help you “let go”, then you need professional help from someone who is qualified to provide it. You are clinging to this person’s fantasy, not reality.
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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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