Dear Annie: My sister-in-law has disliked me for as long as I can remember. I’ve never quite understood why, but she’s made her feelings clear in a hundred little ways over the years—cold shoulders at family gatherings, sharp comments, and a general effort to keep me at arm’s length. I always tried to rise above it for the sake of the family, especially because I was close to her children when they were growing up.
Her eldest son recently got married and somehow she managed to turn his new wife against me as well. Practically overnight, my nephew – now a newly married man – grew cold towards me. It was as if he had forgotten the years of support I had given him. I always showed up at his place, drove three and a half hours to his football games, sat in the stands in the rain and supported him in rough spots. I never expected anything in return, but I thought our bond meant something.
Now I feel like an outsider looking at the family I once felt a part of. I don’t care about choosing sides. I just want to know if there is any hope of saving these relationships, or if I should back off and accept that his mother’s opinion of me has become the family party line.
Is there anything I can do to reconnect with my nephew? — Hurt and hope
Dear Hurt and Hope: It sounds like your sister-in-law has been running this ship for years, and now your nephew and his wife are floating in it. It hurts, especially after all the miles you drove to support him growing up.
You can’t rewrite any story he tells. What you can do is stay kind and above the fray. A simple, friendly note to your nephew—“I wish you both the best, my door is always open”—will keep the lines of communication intact without guilt or drama. Then let the ball sit in his court.
People often lean towards the loudest voice in the family, but time has a way of revealing who treated them well.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” it’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology—featuring popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation—is available in paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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