DEAR ABBY: My son died of cancer at 33. It was heartbreaking. My daughter-in-law “Belinda” became distant before his death and although they had a son through artificial insemination, I hardly ever saw him. I helped weed my son’s garden, but whenever I came Belinda always had the baby in the park or somewhere else.
Now that my son is gone, he won’t answer any calls or texts. We are in contact with her family. They asked her why she doesn’t contact us and she has no explanation. My theory is that Belinda was uncomfortable sharing our son and it carried over to the grandchildren. I say “grandchildren” because she used his sperm to have another child. We found out by chance that a baby girl was born. We were never informed. Although I doubt that plays a big part in it, Belinda is bipolar.
As it is, I no longer try to have a relationship with my grandchildren. They are so young and I expect it will be difficult to claim grandparent rights due to their age and their mother’s attitude towards us. It is painful because they are the only part of my son left. I feel helpless and have pretty much blocked out the fact that I have grandchildren. do you have any advice — BLOCKED IN OHIO
DEAR BLOCKED: What a sad letter. I have some thoughts about your situation. The first is that your son’s sperm was used to conceive the children, so you might benefit from discussing this with a lawyer and asking if your state is a state where grandparent rights exist. The second is because you are in pain, ask your doctor for a referral to a licensed family therapist to help you accept what you cannot change. You have my sympathies.
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